listen... if there's another topic i have in mind right now..trust and believe i wouldnt be talkin of wat im about to talk now. But uumm... there isnt, all that fills my mind is just that person. well there is another topic..but it aint finish yet, its still in the draft section. so be patient for that one alryt.. in the mean time.. whoevers reading this will just have to suffer me talkin about him sum more.. I REALLY AM SORRY! but f it.
No matter how bad it seems, i always try to think positive just like he told me..and to remind myself "Nadia.. he really does love you.. you shouldnt have anything to worry about, so stop stressing." With so many things happening or not happening, especially now we're so far away, nd he gets nuthing out of this (hell i dont gt shit either!) i really dont think he wants to talk to me anymore nowadays... seems like he just waits on me to hit him up. OK.. now wat if i dont? wat if im just waitin around too? most times i wana just sit back and see if he would ever contact me first... but out of all the tries i find myself failing bc i just couldnt take it anymore. I cant wait for him to hit me up first..that mite never happen. And i truly love him way too much to just be waitin around... But the other day i ask him if he wants to just holla at me later bc he seems kinda busy to me.. he was like not really, but ok. Well fellas... ok never comes. Nd once again i find myself texting his phone. No i didn ask him any questions r nething. weren't tryna be on a nigga jock. Just one text. Tellin him thx for hittin me up (smart) and also goodnite i think. He replied i need to stop trippin..he was busy. (Readers..keep in mind that he always says he'll never be too busy for me.) This is one of the changes i've noticed. Well I turn my shit off after that. The next day i turn my laptop on..eager to see if theres anything from him... well, u can probably guess... there wasnt any. I was tempted on not saying nething at all..not even replied to his last comment from the other nite.. but like the dumb ass thaat i am.. i replied. Remember his last comment was to quit trippin? well i was trying to find just anything to say even if its just a little..so i can talk to him..even for a second. so i answered. was like yea ill quit. nd i told him goodnite nd xoxo... Thats me wen i dnt wana say i love u..bt still tried to find sum way around to say it.. idk... he never says nuthing more than an xoxo too... If any of my friends is telling me this story.. I'd prolly tell them, "yea he just doesnt wana talk to u." But being in the story telling position..its like you're in denial. Like..no, that cant be.. he must have had a long day and is tired. Well lol, one outta two aint bad. Prolly did have a long day. Prolly is tired.. tired of u to be exact.
There's really no one that gets how i really feel, the ones that do..their hard to reach.. and im not about to go outta my way to reach them just to talk about this... They prolly dont wana hear it. So i guess i gotta give myself sum advice. Wat would i do...if a friend of mine is tellin me that she feels like her bf doesnt wana talk to her, only does wen she says sumthing.. but prolly do it cuz he feels like he has to just so she would be happy. Hmm... i'd prolly tell her to stop worrying about it so much.. and wait to see if there's any reaction from him, dont hit him up or nuthing.. wait n see if he does. If he doesnt... sumthings up. Bc he cant just be waitin around for u to hit him up and not worry wen u dont. If he cares.. or still cares.. he will do so. I know ill prolly tell her "dont worry that much if he aint!" God im gettin so soft i hate myself now.. wat happen to all the thick skin i have? wheres the me that just dont give a damn?! In a time where i need it the most..shit is gone. Maybe i should just listen to myself instead of my heart. My mind keeps telling me to wait till he does while my heart just cant bear to wait... Well heart.. ya aint doin the both of us any good! Just hurtin urself. But i mean... waitin is never a hard thing for me to do.. i always wait around on a dude to come to their senses.. if they dont..i tell myself it wasnt meant to be... I should stop trying to talk to him constantly, every day and nite..for every day of the week.. any dude is gona get tired of that.. Bt yea that aint a problem if we can see each other.. tha thing is we cant. If i talk to him too much he can get tired of me.. and if i dont he mite lose the love he has for me, and sooner or later, i will too.Bc i noe im not that stupid to keep lovin sumone who doesnt love me back anymore. So it is a LOSE-LOSE situation. Wtf am i to do? I've always gambled on this back in the day..n i always come out on top bc they stick around by my side..bt ive never tried to gamble with this distance... this time i mite lose, idk... But one thing i do noe, readers, is that if in the future i do lose... i have to keep teling myself this just weren't meant to be. So.. the gamble starts. i hope i dont lose..bc then he will too..nd i hope wat i feel isnt rite.
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