Superman

Its one, girl your late
Its still ten, no ill be on at eight
Turning it on. A few minutes to wait
Looking for a S, no it aint Superman
Nowhere close, or should i say too close to the man
Everything he is cept for super powers
Bt he doesnt stand above towers
Close to or lower than ground to be exact
Standing in his own world, everything he retracts
Where up is down and left is right
Make sure he passes everyones height
His world works for him
Its not exactly my coffee and cream
Completing each other, Our Yin and Yang
but even Superman learns from Lois
like Tarzan and Jane
Better each other, time is in their favor
Story wouldnt be the same
if neither wouldn't wana see each others
mind in a frame
They said experience is the best teacher
Would you know wat to do if i meet my reaper
Have the power to see each time bt ignores
Claim it hurts.. or is it a bore?
only you know the answer
Even Superman cant storm each weather
he too strayed from his kryptonite
Such killer, and yet its wat made him
Like the man he too choose to stray, loose the firm
Waiting till the storm pass, and wait some more
Who noes wen god'll call us home
Wat if before u noe it u'll be left all alone?
How will you know the time in which it'll be the last seeing?
So why would you pass a chance given?
This is your decision, U've had the best teacher
Throughout all ur yrs of experience
Stop living life full of regrets
Weather the hurt in the storm, let god shape u to be the best
Would Superman be wat he is without his kryptonite?
How will you react... if god calls me home..tonight?

Mirror

little conversations, heys and oks killing time

never really try to find the right rhyme

even the fastest satelite couldnt help us

give me canvas and the right brush

i will draw it out, make u see wat im talkin bout

wud u be surprised wen one day lookin at the screen

and see everything u've ever dreamed?
wud u be surprised wen the screen consists of my reflection

turns into a mirror? as u only see urself,

ur own motion. can you handle another you?

how will you react

when put in the position you put me thru

how will you react

when you see me as yourself

how will I react

if you ever become my other self

an exact replica, identical like twins

maybe not on the outside, only within

in life, we need to find our opposite

so will we fall out if ever we make a transit?

from the opposite of each other

to acting like we're trapped in a mirror

steady tryna find a way to make each other see

to be put in "my" or "Your" position, how would you feel

which of the two surprise will u take?

do u even have the power to choose, whats real and whats fake

or are the choices will be nuthing more than a surprise..

5 minutes (stay positive)

I havent been feeling good lately.. no im not sick. nuthings wrong wit me. Its like..been havin bad feelings. Ive been tryn hard to shrug it off. but day after day, it only gets worse. Now the feeling is makin my stomach churns and my heart is beatin so fast. Sumthings wrong... Usually i find out wassup before it gets this far..but this time, i dnt really bother to ask nething. i figured if i stayed clueless, i wont know anything.. and ill be too ignorant to get hurt. But looks like another part of me, deep within, just dont want me to be left out on wats goin on.. its lookin out for me. But still, this time i wont ask much ?s , if there's anything kept away from me... sooner r later it will come to light.

5 minutes

im sleepy...not that tired..but these eyes seem to have a mind of their own.. and all they want me to do is to close it.. Shit is burning.. Prolly cuz it has sumn to do wit tha fact that i keep on waitin around for sumbody who aint hittin me up.. yea nigga if u read this u noe who u are. Dont need for me to spell it out. I have like 14 more days till cosmetology class ends.. nd sumhow i just managed to keep on missing days nd days for every week..Making it longer to get the class over with. Damn i need to just get up and go.. and the thing that makes me just wana slap myself is the fact that i can go anytime i want.. like anywhere from 10 till closing time.. theres no such thing as late.. if ur there, thats al that matters.. so idk wats the matter with me. Itll be bad wen college starts.. i hope it wont be like this tho. And startin wednesday..ima begin my 12 day journey till i get my L's. YEEAAA BUDDY, been waitin for so fukn long for this moment. Ill be damn if i have to wait sum more.

Little Piece of Mind

listen... if there's another topic i have in mind right now..trust and believe i wouldnt be talkin of wat im about to talk now. But uumm... there isnt, all that fills my mind is just that person. well there is another topic..but it aint finish yet, its still in the draft section. so be patient for that one alryt.. in the mean time.. whoevers reading this will just have to suffer me talkin about him sum more.. I REALLY AM SORRY! but f it.
No matter how bad it seems, i always try to think positive just like he told me..and to remind myself "Nadia.. he really does love you.. you shouldnt have anything to worry about, so stop stressing." With so many things happening or not happening, especially now we're so far away, nd he gets nuthing out of this (hell i dont gt shit either!) i really dont think he wants to talk to me anymore nowadays... seems like he just waits on me to hit him up. OK.. now wat if i dont? wat if im just waitin around too? most times i wana just sit back and see if he would ever contact me first... but out of all the tries i find myself failing bc i just couldnt take it anymore. I cant wait for him to hit me up first..that mite never happen. And i truly love him way too much to just be waitin around... But the other day i ask him if he wants to just holla at me later bc he seems kinda busy to me.. he was like not really, but ok. Well fellas... ok never comes. Nd once again i find myself texting his phone. No i didn ask him any questions r nething. weren't tryna be on a nigga jock. Just one text. Tellin him thx for hittin me up (smart) and also goodnite i think. He replied i need to stop trippin..he was busy. (Readers..keep in mind that he always says he'll never be too busy for me.) This is one of the changes i've noticed. Well I turn my shit off after that. The next day i turn my laptop on..eager to see if theres anything from him... well, u can probably guess... there wasnt any. I was tempted on not saying nething at all..not even replied to his last comment from the other nite.. but like the dumb ass thaat i am.. i replied. Remember his last comment was to quit trippin? well i was trying to find just anything to say even if its just a little..so i can talk to him..even for a second. so i answered. was like yea ill quit. nd i told him goodnite nd xoxo... Thats me wen i dnt wana say i love u..bt still tried to find sum way around to say it.. idk... he never says nuthing more than an xoxo too... If any of my friends is telling me this story.. I'd prolly tell them, "yea he just doesnt wana talk to u." But being in the story telling position..its like you're in denial. Like..no, that cant be.. he must have had a long day and is tired. Well lol, one outta two aint bad. Prolly did have a long day. Prolly is tired.. tired of u to be exact.



There's really no one that gets how i really feel, the ones that do..their hard to reach.. and im not about to go outta my way to reach them just to talk about this... They prolly dont wana hear it. So i guess i gotta give myself sum advice. Wat would i do...if a friend of mine is tellin me that she feels like her bf doesnt wana talk to her, only does wen she says sumthing.. but prolly do it cuz he feels like he has to just so she would be happy. Hmm... i'd prolly tell her to stop worrying about it so much.. and wait to see if there's any reaction from him, dont hit him up or nuthing.. wait n see if he does. If he doesnt... sumthings up. Bc he cant just be waitin around for u to hit him up and not worry wen u dont. If he cares.. or still cares.. he will do so. I know ill prolly tell her "dont worry that much if he aint!" God im gettin so soft i hate myself now.. wat happen to all the thick skin i have? wheres the me that just dont give a damn?! In a time where i need it the most..shit is gone. Maybe i should just listen to myself instead of my heart. My mind keeps telling me to wait till he does while my heart just cant bear to wait... Well heart.. ya aint doin the both of us any good! Just hurtin urself. But i mean... waitin is never a hard thing for me to do.. i always wait around on a dude to come to their senses.. if they dont..i tell myself it wasnt meant to be... I should stop trying to talk to him constantly, every day and nite..for every day of the week.. any dude is gona get tired of that.. Bt yea that aint a problem if we can see each other.. tha thing is we cant. If i talk to him too much he can get tired of me.. and if i dont he mite lose the love he has for me, and sooner or later, i will too.Bc i noe im not that stupid to keep lovin sumone who doesnt love me back anymore. So it is a LOSE-LOSE situation. Wtf am i to do? I've always gambled on this back in the day..n i always come out on top bc they stick around by my side..bt ive never tried to gamble with this distance... this time i mite lose, idk... But one thing i do noe, readers, is that if in the future i do lose... i have to keep teling myself this just weren't meant to be. So.. the gamble starts. i hope i dont lose..bc then he will too..nd i hope wat i feel isnt rite.

You

Each and every nite i miss you

the warmth of your touch,

the tenderness of your kisses,

i look forward for everynite.

I would see you, I can feel you,

In my dreams

now These dreams are all i have

The happiness i feel

is nuthing but a fantasy, for now

I'll take wat i can

Just so i wont ever forget

What we were, are, and hopefully will be

Help me make it a reality

Lets fight for our lifes together my love

No matter how difficult things may seem

No matter how many doubts are in our heads

Lets fight.

Dont let me to stand alone

I would never do you wrong

Ill never stop fightin. Despite on how i feel

Because i'll still see you in my dreams

Help me fight..for us

Think im Driving him away

10341.06 miles OR 16641.86 km (Thats how far away we are)
i think hes gettin tired of me...i really do.. seems like evrything i said seem so smart to him.. even wen tha conversation werent intended to be sarcastic. it was just suppose to b a laughable convo. For the past week..maybe its just me, but i feel like wen he talks to me now, its like..gosh wats the word.. Its like harsh, but no.. like dont have a sense of care to it like he used to. As if theres a bit of an attitude with most replies. Yea he ask how im doin n all, bt that isnt wat im talkin ab. And sometimes i just sit n wait for him to reply, i still wait for him to get on, at night too, even tho i dnt say nething to him ab it nowadays bc he'll jst say tht he didn tell me to wait. (who wants to hear that after waitin all nite for sumone?) most times the effort became a waste..bc he's still b asleep, or wen he gets up, itll b too late. At night i lay and wonder if he still feel as strong about me as he did. Ok i admit...for tha past months, we've been fightin...mainly cuz of me. My thoughts constantly filled with wat he's doin where he is at and who is with...evrything. from him bein home so late, chillin wit cuzzos comin home drunk as hell.. nd sumtimes i have to figure out that he is, even tho most times he came out n tell me.. My questions are doin nuthing but to make me upset..yes i wana noe wat he's doin but, seems like i never liked the answer,like im not ready to hear it. And..for those who know me, they must know that i have a STRONG ass intuiton. So if i have a feeling 9 times outta 10 it happened/is happening/will happen. Like i ask him one day if he had talk to neone... nd guess wat lol the day i askd..was actually the day he talked to sumone. On tha same damn day, only a little bit earlier.. My intuition is THAT GOOD! Well since then... i kept on askin questions.. ya noe how girlfriends are.. oo mind u that we're in a long distance relationship. And it all started wen we still live close to each other, he dont like me bein around my friends..my guy friends mostly of course, but i didn mind.. you have no idea how much i sacrifice... i see myself changing. Maybe for the better..bc b4 bein in this relationship..


1. I was ice cold towards guys. Well not in front of them..bt i jst didn care ab none of em. I never bother to make a phone call not even a text. My frame of mind since i started liking boys is to NEVER, NEVER EVER chase them. Thats about one of the only things that my ma taught me and actually sticks to my head. I never approached guys, always let em do the work.. I keep em running in circles to be exact. Most times i dont want them. I wasn't good. I guess its because i was still in love with my first boyfriend..we just never worked out because i moved..nd we were too young back then anyways!

2. I always put my friends first, always.. Since being with him, i guess the thing that made me care about him is the fact that we were friends first..even if its friends with benefits.. i see him as my friend. And i care about my friends more than i do mostly with everything else.. I always say..im the greatest friend you'll ever meet in your life, but as for girlfriend.. i cant say the same AT ALL. I dont try. With him, its different. Wen i was at work..the latest he wud text me is 12 p.m. I get worried wen he dont text me, so i texted first.. I would hit him up, yea that may mean nuthing to most people but to me..thats the first big step. I started to care on how he feels about a certain situation. If he dont like me talkin to this guy or that guy... things like that, before i know it.. i was left with my girlfriends, my neighbor, and him... I've let go of my guy friends, for him.. I guess its wat u call love. Plus i see nomore reason to keep the rest hanging any longer.. i cant have them around since my bf live across the street! And the last change since bein with him..

3. I see myself gettin way too emotional. I never thout i wud ever get so jealous like this, like a f-in cry baby. Lord, seriously..sometimes i think im going crazy, no im pretty sure i am. Before being in this relationship..if my guys ever hurt me, oo ill find out and nah i had never shed a tear for no men. Not worth the stress, not worth the time, i never even bother to ask or find out wats up. Just leave em on spot..Guess its wat draws them towards me in the first place, kinda confusing..bt it made sense in my world :) But i guess the good thing about this is that i know im capable of loving someone as more than a friend. It is a new challenge for me. Most times idk wat to do with it...

I feel bad for him, because most times..he had to suffer and listen to me fuss and cry for god noes wat reason. Me missing him leads to me being mad at him for every little thing he says or does. Me getting upset, him feeling like he's not doing any good for me.. These days i try to change up again. I told him i wont ask anymore questions... i havent. To me, lately ive been trying super hard like i never done before to keep peace. His effort to keep peace is always there since the beginning. He never fuss back at me wen i flip. This time he's changing little by little. There's not really much conversations anymore..tha ones that holds any meaning. He always never talks that much anyways bt he always tries..bt i started not to talk much either..afraid that he'll take it the wrong way nd we starts to fight again. But im thinkin that this effort is a little too late... i think i done pushed him over the edge. The little things i said...any comments that he didnt know the meaning of, he think of it as bein smart..and our whole mood change.. it was never my intention. I try hard not to ask wat he's been up to, who's he been hangin with lately all those i used to ask..so we wudnt fight anymore..but it doesnt work now..thats why i said it may be too late. Nuthing i do is working anymore.. he tought me to open up...but with this distance, that may not be the best thing to do. I find myself trying to keep it in again, like i did my whole life before i got with him. I once ask him.. can we get better... well no replies. But i know... if we dont see each other soon and we cant get any better in the mean time, its a recipe for disaster. I love him too much, i cant bear to lose him..and in my heart, i know he feels the same... But this distance is killing us both. My prince charming needs to come soon.

Dreams

Dream - vision (n)

aspiration (n)

fantasize (v)



Define the word... wat does that mean to you personally. Recalled back your childhood memories, i know sumebody in the family, maybe a grandparent ever ask... wat is your dream... wat would u like to be wen u grow up. Well..i gave my answer, bt sumtimes.. reality wud make things impossible. Maybe not impossible..bt as you grow older, you'll realize what you need more in your life. My dream will always be there..even if i cant achieve it now.. I'll have my whole life to work to accomplish it. Dont ever let your dream to be just a fantasy.

No matter how difficult things may seem. Like if your a teen, still have a whole life ahead of u. Bf got u preagnant, things take its turn for the worst.. Chances of him leaving is very big. Or one of your parents died, you dont have anyone to look up to anymore. Or maybe getting hurt while playing a game, you can't function the way you used to anymore..ruined your chances of playing pro. Seems like your whole life just went down the drain. Its not! Your mind went down the drain yea. With that type of thinkin.. everything will go wrong. Theres still a whole life ahead. Ok, maybe u screw this chance up. But theres another chance coming..you have to work with whats given to you, and make the most of it. Life is what you make it out to be. I feel bad for those who decided to give up, because they will be stuck in a situation that they dont wana be in in the first place.. but hey, you have all the chances in the world to make it better.. y not take it? Gona spend your whole life regretting what could have been. NO. Things happen the way it should, you have the power to change it.

I Miss Him

I guess before talkin about the bad stuff that i had in mind... i should start of with the goods, so itll make more sense. We met in highschool. I was a junior, he was in his senior year.. u noe how boys r wen they tryna spit games at a girl.. well i found out he got a gf from a friend of mine. i stopped talkin to him since then. But this dude jst wont go away.. at all. a yr passed, im in my last yr of hs, hes a freshman at a college. we hardly see each other..and i didn care, bc i didn wana have nuthin to do wit him in tha first place. He wud still call me up, we jst talk thru tha phone..most times he wants to come see me, im on my usual excuse :) Wen he b askin me to tha movies..yea i said yes..bt i always have sumthing to say so i wont go wen the day comes.. until one day, i decided to actually go (wat was i suppose to do?) bt we see each other from time to time... bt not a lot at all. i always try to avoid him..always. His chances to see me are so small, bt it workd bc he neva gave up.. thats the thing that makes me like him the most. To me, it seems like evrything we went thru in our own personal life (good and bad) happens as if to shape our future together. Like..for me..no matter where i go, he always ends up there. Example.. aint it funny that ive been tryin to avoid him for so long and he happen to move rite across tha street from me. literally. Then he fell for me.. and i fell for him too.
I noticed the changes in me since ive been with him. I dont mind because i find another side of me. Its like, in life.. you need someone to complete you. Now i feel complete since being with him. I was always tough..especially to myself. I am my own worst enemy. That was some time ago. I now find the opposite of my personality, thats why i feel whole with him... It doesnt work if im the only one feeling this way bein in a relationship... But wen i mentioned this to him.. he said he felt the same too. It put a smile on my face, nd i hope wat he said was true. Out of anything and everything i can miss about Lincolnton...his face is what i miss the most.






Thru this hard time that we're apart from each other, can only see each other thru tha webcam, talk thru chat..the fights we have is soo often. Its scary bc idk how much more i can take... idk how much more HE can take. We NEVER fight like we do now when we were still together. One of the things that keep me goin is the memory of him..wenever i think about what we went thru..i'd find myself smiling. But wen we fight, its like i dont even wana think of the good times we once shared. Sometimes i go to sleep with a pair of wet cheeks, tears just started flowing... I wish we can be like a normal couple..can be with each other anytime they like..even if they cant..seeing each other isnt impossible like me and him. I cant find the moon.. the billions of stars existed is hard to find here....with all this bright lights, crowds gathering, smiling faces everywhere.. i still feel all alone. And i feel like no matter who im around..ill still feel the same, til the day i get to see him again.

Intro

Hey to everyone out there whose reading my blog...
ive been wantin to do this for quiet awhile, but for some reason i always put it off. I be thinkin like...wats tha point in blogging, its not like anyone really reads it.
Well...i now tell myself..who cares? im not doin this to harm anyone, nor will this blog be intended for a specific person (it mite b in one of the postings lol) but mainly..this is a way for me to vent. Posting blogs on myspace or facebook nd all that... yea ive done that. Still do it on myspace sometimes..bt this one mite b different. Im goin to try to give live updates :)
I dont really know how to start off a blog...probably to anyone out there in the world who happens to read this knows nothing about me..well let me give you a little background
The name is Nadia (last name will be unknown!), born on tha 11th day of November in 1991 in the lovely city of Jakarta,Indonesia. Spent my childhood-teenage years in a small town called Lincolnton in North Carolina. I am the first child of two very loving AND STILL very in love parents. A little big bro who looks like he 45 lmao. A little pekingese dog named COCO. Have a boyfriend whom i love so so so so so so much. I have an old life, and also a new life (if ur wondering wat i mean..ill explain on a later post) I value family and friendship very much. I am a strong individual and a passionate being. I care about others to the extent where i came last on my list...or so i say anyways. i can speak sum more words on wat i thout of myself..bt really, i dont see the need to do so . Bc people r always goin to have their own opinions about EVRYTHING..well this is mine about MYSELF.

This blog, i will make it my goal to not always talk about wats goin on with me..but also wats goin on around the world.. The point to it is that, there are way more important things that needed attention. Its a big world, a raise for concern still needed a lot of work. Vanity is not my thing so..dont be alarm if ever i talk about the doom of this world (wth?) or to do the impossible and save the world! A lot of people never take me seriously wen i say that that is my dream...whose to say i cant fantasize? evrything starts with a dream..and that is mine to achieve. Of course...any help will be very much appreciated :)
But i think this will be all to start off this page...hope to anyone out there reading this will get a sense of what the writer (yours truly) is about.. Dont get tired of checkin up on this page :)